Illumination in the early hours

Early morning light
illuminates the bedroom
sheets mussed, cups of tea
on the floor, candles and books by
the bed.

She's in the bed, hair spread out
across her flowered pillow,
eyes shut, just beginning to flutter,
under the quilt that
keeps her warm, covered in
fauna and flora.

The animals surround her--
creatures from her childhood,
and some new,
even though she's far older now,
she still holds them close,
holds memories near.

She doesn't think about all
that troubles her while she
sleeps,

it's only 2am.

She's in places of her imagination,
places that teach her about life,
give her guidance,
give her inspiration.

She loves the lands of dreams--
her own Neverwonderland.

She won't age, not here.
She'll be forever 8,
unless she chooses otherwise.

Until the beepbeeepbap of the
alarm goes off, she'll be happy.


always and forever.

(c) December 2011

Thoughts currently in my mind: Lights

My parents are divorced, and so I have two bedrooms.

While my bedrooms are different, they (at least for now) have one thing in common: lights. More specifically, the strings of "holiday" lights- the multicolored ones that you can buy at most any convince store or "superstore" around this time of year. I'm not huge on holiday decorating, but the lights make me happy, and they don't have to go with any specific holiday--they could be for Hanukkah, the Solstice, Christmas, or just winter in general. They give me a sense of warmth, which is a feeling I search for in many forms.

A cup of tea, a hug, fuzzy socks on a cold night, literature, family, and friends are all forms of warmth that I have found, and light (in all it's forms--sun, candles, stringed, etc) is another way for me to feel warm and feel happy.

Hugo & Christmas Eve

Tonight I went with my dad to see Hugo. It was one of the sweetest movies I have seen in a very long time.

The cinematography was beautiful, the acting was wonderful, and it made me want to travel to Paris right this moment. (And go back in time seventy-odd years...) My favorite character was probably Isabelle--she was so kind and brave, and to top it all off, she was a bookworm! :)

I've only read part of the book that Hugo is based off of, but the storyline was so imaginative, and even though the movie was over two hours long, it felt as though it was far shorter than that. Sadly, I don't know as much about the history of film as I'd like to, but I feel as though if one does know a lot, this movie would have even more meaning for them. I just, in a word, adored this movie. It was so cute and warm and happy.

It was really nice to go to the movies--I haven't done that in a while. I'm hoping to maybe see The Muppets with my cousins when they come up on Wednesday. I've heard that it is a wonderful movie, I love The Muppets, and I love Amy Adams.

Anyways, it's Christmas Eve (and also the fifth night of Hanukkah!!)

Happy Holidays to those who celebrate!

______________ Unique

Okay, so.

The word unique. This word cannot have any adjective preceding it. Yet, time and time again, people say "Very Unique", "Less Unique", et cetera. Now, I'm not claiming that I have never made this mistake in my life (hint: I have), but I try to correct my mistake as soon as I can rather than allow it to linger in the air. I have heard well-educated adults use a qualifying word before "Unique", and I must confess that it does tend to make me cringe.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves... I'm trying to work on not saying any descriptor before saying unique, and I think that it is an interesting experiment to listen to yourself as you are talking to see if you have this slip-up.

I don't mean to sound angsty, I just felt as though I should post this.

Happy Holidays!

In Which I Ramble

Well, this is my fiftieth post. That feels like some huge accomplishment, though I'm well aware it's not. Perhaps I'm thinking that way because my cold is making me delusional.

Four days left until break! Today in AP Euro we were saying what we'd be looking forward to during our break.
Now, as is to be expected, many of my classmates said some variant of "Sleeping" or "No School" or both of them. Well, guess what I said?
"More time to read and see my family!" My teacher's comment to that was "I like that you are unique." Or something along those lines. This does tie back to when we said what we were thankful for and I said education and literature... but hey, it's my honest opinion!

I plan on catching up on my reading, which I have sadly not had loads of time for this year. I'm also literally (ha, ha, pun!) in the middle of about eleven or so books right now. Yup. So, my goal is to finish at least five of those over break, and they aren't quick reads either. They are classics! (Ohhh! Ahh!)

Okay, I ought to go and review for my upcoming exams this week.

Thank you for tuning into the rambles of Emily.

See you all soon!

Names that I like

Because I wanted to post something, but couldn't figure out exactly what I should post, I decided to list a few names I like and why I like them. Here goes...

1. Rose: Yes, this does have to do with the character from Doctor Who to an extent, but I also just like it because it has so many other connections to various other aspects of life: in math there is something called a "Rose Curve", one of the most famous Shakespearean lines has to do with roses: "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet", and so on... so many wonderful connections, and such a classical name.
2. Imogen: (Im-Oh-Jen) The name that I recently learned may well be a typo. It appears in Shakespeare's Cymbeline, but it may have originally been spelled "Innogen", but a transcription error may have resulted in the spelling with an M instead of two Ns. The name Innogen was around during Shakespeare's time--I just love the idea of naming something after a typo. My duel obsession with literature and Shakespeare makes me feel giddy at the idea of this name. It's just so amazingly wonderful!!
3. Sylvia: The reason for this has to be obvious. (Hint: who is one of my favorite people in all of history? Yep, Sylvia Plath.) There are other reasons for my liking of this name, such as the sound it makes when it rolls off of my tongue, and it just sounds so literary, even ignoring the existence of Sylvia Plath).
4. Orion: This one's a boy's name... but I like it because I love astronomy, despite never having taken an astronomy course. It's a bit of an odd name, but it sounds classical, and that seems to be a theme with the names that I like. 
5. Hugo: It's a name that seems to hold prestige without being ostentatious. It is simple and yet powerful. 

Those are a few of the names that I love most. There are others, which include: Willow, Ophelia, Aurore/Aurora,  and Sebastian. (If you want to hear the reasons for these, just ask!)

Whispers

The pages of the books whisper

stories, of lives not real;
of places imagined.

Yet we, she, he, they
all travel, we go into these

fantastical worlds of
literature, where we meet friends
and travel to places our passports could never
gain us entrance to.

The little girl reads in the corner of the library,
alone, yet not alone.
She giggles as she meets her new friends,
her very best friends--
only illusions, and yet so real to her young eyes.

She never wants to leave.

(c) December 2011

Eighteen!

So, today, December 13th, is my 18th birthday.

It's weird, because I always expect each birthday to feel different from the day before somehow, but it never really does. I mean, yes, it is different, but that's just because people are saying "Happy Birthday" to me for the entire day. Other than that I have to remind myself that I really am a year older, despite not looking any different than the year before.

But being eighteen means that I can vote in the next election. This makes me both excited and nervous. Mostly excited, but without a doubt my feelings are a mixture of the two.

I sent off my last college application yesterday, so I do not have to worry about any of those on my birthday, which is quite a nice feeling. My dad is going to make me pancakes, and my mom is coming over so that we can all have some.

Now I have to get used to saying "I'm 18" when people ask me my age, which ought to be interesting, because I'd hardly gotten used to responding that I was 17. It doesn't help that I look younger than I am. Oh well, that's not something that I really like to make a big deal out of.

On another note, my twenty-first birthday will be on 12/13/14. That makes me quite happy, though if I'm studying abroad in a European country, my birthday will be 13/12/14, which is still cool, but not quite as cool.

That's all for now.

It's Official!

I have now applied to all but 1.5 schools. I haven't submitted anything for one of the two, and I haven't submitted the supplement for the other.

All I can say is: Holy moly Oh my goodness AHHH! That's roughly my mind right now. I cannot believe that I'm old enough to be going to college. That is so weird.

I am in a state of euphoria mixed with feeling nauseous. It's so weird to think that one of the nine colleges to which I have applied is the college that I will be attending for the next four years! Applying has lifted a huge weight off of my chest, for now I can have a few minutes here and there to read for fun.

I also made my goal: I applied to college before my birthday! My birthday is on December 13th. I will be eighteen! But I'm going to avoid thinking about that right now because I need to calm my nerves. :) My dad is being very nice and making me tea and popcorn.

I am also thrilled because now I can get back to blogging at least twice a week. I am sorry for the hiatus, but it was necessary so that I could finish up my applications.

Sorry for the somewhat frazzled blog post, I'm just a weird mix of emotions right now.

Thoughts currently in my mind: Coloring Books

Even remembering back to my childhood, I do not really remember using coloring books often. I usually drew my own pictures--I don't have many collections of old coloring books.

One coloring book that I do remember having was a small, perhaps 4 by 6 inch, fairies book. In it there were many different fairies, by themselves, with friends, and with woodland creatures. Regretfully, I did not color it in all that neatly (I was about six when I had it), so though I'm pretty sure I didn't finish it, it would be a mess now.

I do think that, once my college applications are all in, it would be fun to buy a coloring book and color in it with friends, just to regain at least a piece of what childhood is supposed to be.

(On the subject of college apps, I may not be posting much at all this upcoming week, because I'm trying to have all of my applications in by early to mid December).

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving, like Columbus Day, is not a holiday that I really adore. I think it has something to do with the fact that these holidays have to do with Europeans coming in and slaughtering the native population. Something about that just doesn't settle with me.

But, pessimism aside, I like spending Thanksgiving with family or friends. This year I didn't travel, because I'm finishing up applying to college. (I don't think saying that sentence will ever feel normal.) But, instead of just sitting at home, my dad and I went over to my friend's house. We had a wonderful dinner with him and his family, and then he, his younger sister, and I watched Pangs, the Buffy Thanksgiving episode. Watching Holiday-themed episodes of Buffy near to or on the holiday seems to be slowly becoming a tradition. I'm not opposed to this. My feelings about Thanksgiving are the same as Willow's, but, as I said before, I like that Thanksgiving brings family and friends together. Plus, you do get pie (or cookies! or cookies AND pie!).

I am also a vegetarian, but it wasn't too hard for me to find food to eat. People seem to think that Thanksgiving sucks for vegetarians, but I manage. I don't think it's all that hard, and in the five years I've been fully vegetarian I've never really felt awkward at Thanksgiving. I'm perfectly fine with my salad, pasta, and other sorts of yummy veggies. But I don't like Tofurkey. I generally don't like faux-meat vegetarian things. I am perfectly happy with my veggies, legumes, and soy, thank you very much! (I also like bread. and cheese.)

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I figured that I should list what I am thankful for:

• My Family-I love them so much, they put up with my craziness. I love how intelligent they all are, and what wonderful people they are. When I don't see them, I miss them like crazy.
• Even more specifically, my parents- you two have always been there for me, and supported all my hobbies, and taught me about the world. Even though you guys get on my nerves sometimes, I love you both SO much, I can't even begin to describe it. Thank you, I can never thank you guys enough. :)
• My Friends-Always there for me, they can make me smile. There are a few special ones who I've known for what seems like forever, and who I value so greatly.
• Tea-The warmth it provides: on a cold day, when I'm feeling ill, when I'm feeling sad, or just because.
• The world that is literature-It has shown me marvelous lands and times, and has taught me of friendship, loyalty, trust, and has helped to shape who I am today.
• The ability to have an education- as much as I may say "oh, I wish I lived in Shakepeare's time" (or the 1800s, or 1600s, etc) I love that I, as a girl, can go to school and learn. I love it, and I treasure that privilege. That is one aspect of 21st century America that I appreciate.
• Warm Blankets on Cold Evenings
• Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Doctor Who, and Gilmore Girls- all shows that have helped me to learn about the world. (Okay, so this "thanks" isn't as serious as the others, but it is still there).

Tea, what glorious tea!

I love tea.

I'm rather addicted to it. If you've seen Gilmore Girls, you will understand what I'm about to say: The way I am to tea is the same way that Rory and Lorelai are to coffee. I honestly would drink it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I could. And for all moments between those meals.

I must also confess that I am a tea snob. I won't just drink tea because it's there. It has to be good quality, so no Lipton for me. (Sorry Lipton, nothing personal).  Twining's and Tazo are my favorite types, but I'm always open to new brands of tea. My favorite type of tea is Earl Grey.  This is also where my Anglophilia comes into play --tea is just one more thing that I love about the culture of Great Britain. Tea is the center of my life. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, because I also love books and I love learning, and cemeteries, and nature, and sweaters, and fuzzy socks, and cookies. But tea's pretty darn special.

I have distinct memories of being about six, and drinking peppermint tea with honey out of a big mug, and smiling because of how much I loved it: because of how wonderful it smelled and tasted. I remember drinking chamomile (I still drink it) when I felt sad, and having the subtle and soft taste of it sooth me and calm me down. I remember walking into cafes and not like the smell of coffee all that much, but loving the smell of tea.

Thoughts currently in my mind: The Power of a Name

Oh look, I took this picture. Mysterious pathways, yay! This picture has nothing to do with the blog post.

I've been thinking of late, it seems to be so rare that we actually use our names in daily conversation, whether through text, chatter in the halls, or email/IM. When I talk to my friends we don't often address one another by saying "Hi _______." We mostly go with "Hello!"

We are assigned names to help us form our identities, and without them what are we but blank slates?

I mean, it's not like I'm never addressed as "Emily", but it seems as though the concept of using names in conversation is slowly dying out. I'm a contributor to this, I don't deny it. Occasionally I will address my friends by their name, but usually I fall into the category of just saying "Hey", or poking them to get their attention.

I like the way my name sounds, and I like the way my friends' names sound. Some of them seem so exotic and beautiful, and I love the feeling of their names on my tongue, but I choose to not use their names.

Names are important in order to keep us human. Without them we could run the risk of being reduced to numbers, symbols, or even nothingness.

Names are the core of who we are. I feel like I would be a very different person if I were named something like Mary, Catherine, Elizabeth, or Anya. I would still have my basic personality, but with a different name I might feel differently about myself.

Missing Lock

I had this key,
slightly rusty and about the size of my palm.

I never found out where it led to.

I like to think it was the key to Wonderland,
or to the Wardrobe that in turn
leads to Narnia.

Being almost eighteen,
I know this to be false.

I want to recapture my childhood
without sounding angsty,
without writing faux-philosopical
poems (which I am doing).

I want, want, want.
To be, be, be.
Just Emily.

Age 8, maybe younger.
Before the computer, before the pains
of young adulthood.

I wish to be Alice, in my own
Wonderland. Without a care,
until I choose to blow the cards

away.

(c) November 2011

Moments

Not often, but every now and then I have moments when I think "Wow, life's pretty good after all".

Granted, these are somewhat rare, as I spend much of my time at least a bit stressed out. But now that I'm well on my way to being almost done with college applications, I'm happy. After December 1st, I will be able to breathe! I mean, I will still have piles upon piles of work to do, but I will only have school work, rather than having all the college work.

But back to those moments. Even though they are just moments, sometimes extremely fleeting, they are there. They do exist, and I feel like a very important thing in my life is to remember that in times of despair. For example, this upcoming week I have many things that I need to get done, and I just want to scream into a pillow right now. I need an actual time-turner to get everything done that I have to do. I have a crazy amount of things to do, and I'm going to have to do all of them because of obligations. I may want to sit in my bed and read Frankenstein and drink tea, but I can't.

I have to write an essay for this contest type thing, I have to go to a student advisory committee meeting, I have to go to another meeting for my school's Literary Magazine, I have to do college applications, I have to exercise, I have to do homework, I have to study. I have to, have to, have to. So I'll breathe and remind myself that everything will be alright. When I'm up at 11:30pm, weary and worn out I'll stand up, walk around my room, and meditate. Because I'll get through all of this. I have to, and I will.

I'll do it for the sake of those moments when everything seems wonderful.

A Lack

Like many teenagers, I spend quite a bit of time on the internet.

However, I really don't like the internet. I mean, yes, it is lovely to have sometimes--but in my opinion, it is destroying our culture. For example, right now my father is in the other room, on his iPad while I sit in my bedroom, listening to Florence + The Machine and typing on my blog. Only a wall separates us, yet we are each in our separate worlds. We could be playing cards or Boggle, but instead we sit, staring at pixelated screens. We could be discussing science, or Shakespeare, but no. Instead we sit.

I do like the easiness of the internet for looking up fun facts, communicating with some of my best friends who live in Texas and California, and for blogging. I do not like the internet for all that it has taken from us as a culture. We seem to believe that Facebook, twitter, and IM/googletalk are legitimate modes of communication. On my Facebook I often see my friends having full conversations on one another's walls. There are very few things that make me keep my Facebook up: it is the main mode of communication for some of my good friends, and it can (very occasionally) be a fun site.

The internet makes us anti-social. Now, I am in no way saying that people should go out and party all the time, but people should get off their computers and go out for coffee, tea, movies, cupcakes, or what have you with their friends. I think an interesting social experiment would be to have everyone go without their computers/phones/other electronics for a day. I wonder what would happen...?

Sorry for the mini-rant, but society today often annoys me. I see ten year olds with iPhones. When I was ten I was obsessed with Hilary Duff, Aly & AJ, The Babysitters Club, and eating chocolate chip cookies while drinking peppermint tea. I didn't even learn how to use the computer until I was in third grade, and I only learned it then (and not later) because my best friend was moving back to Japan, and we wanted to be "email buddies".

I just find it horrible how our society is changing to become more technologically reliant, rather than focusing on the beauty and wonder of the real world.

Reasons to Be Happy

So, when I'm feeling down, or sick, or just because, I've decided to make lists of reasons to be happy. This post will be the first  one, because I'm feeling sick and a bit stressed out.

1. Warm tea- it can cure anything. (In my opinion, Earl Grey works particularly well).
2. The smell of new books- there are few things in the world better than books of any sort. 
3. My grades- while not always perfect, they are pretty good and I feel like I can say "I am smart." But I'm not bragging, I don't like doing that.
4. Pretty dresses- I like vintage/feminine things. I like some dresses that I've purchased recently. They make me happy.
5. Florence + The Machine's new album- if perfection was possible, this would be it. Ah, I love it, especially the songs "Only if For a Night", "Shake it Out", "What the Water Gave Me", "Lover to Lover", and "No Light, No Light".
6. Warm baths/showers on cold evenings- that steam is magical.
7. Candles- the beauty of the flickering flame.
8. Baking/cooking yummy foods.

Falling

"It's all lies" they whisper around her
"you made it up, it's not real"

The land she loved, the friends she made,
all fake? all false?
She wonders how this could be--

the cat, the rabbit, the mouse, the crazy man--
she loved them all, though where she went
was scary, sometimes.

She couldn't believe it, yet she did;
until it was no longer safe for her,
until she was near death.

Then she crumpled the deck,
she played the checkmate move,
and she fell out.

Into the real world,
and, worst of all,
she grew up. Now she can't
go back.

But she knows that it was real,
she knows and she believes.

(c) November 2011

Hot Chocolate

Well, it's November fifth! (Remember, remember, the fifth of November...)

Anyways, today I got my first hot chocolate of the season! It was from Starbucks, and it's yummy and wonderful. I just love the taste of warm chocolate, but I don't actually love hot chocolate all that much. I rarely get it, my main drink for winter tends to be warm tea (preferably Earl Grey, but I can get by with other flavors if need be). Yet I do tend to buy hot chocolate once or twice throughout the winter (and sometimes more, there isn't any sort of specific number I hold myself to).

I also feel this desperate need, as the days are growing colder, to go to nature preserves and cemeteries, and to walk around them and watch everything dying. Now, I'm aware that that sounds horribly morbid, but it's true. I love watching all of nature go to sleep for the winter, to feel to cold winds/air on my face, and to see my breath in the air. Of course, another benefit of winter is wearing sweaters and fuzzy pull-overs to keep oneself warm. I love bundling up and going for winter walks. Today I just bought a few new pairs of gloves and some new tights, all of which are beneficial with keeping myself warm and not getting hypothermia/frost bite (which are very bad things to get).

We also started Othello in English class. It is wonderful and beautiful so far and I love it. Oh, reading Shakespeare just makes me so happy. Which reminds me, for our yearbook, we have a section that says what we'll be doing in 2022. For mine I put "In 2022, Emily will be drinking tea and reading Shakespeare in Paris". I mean, there are many other things I'd like to be doing in 2022, but that is the simplest thing to say for a yearbook. My "biography" has a quote from Harry Potter ("When in doubt, go to the library") and says "DFTBA" which stands for "Don't Forget to Be Awesome", in case you were unaware.

Thoughts currently in my mind: People Watching

Another hobby that I love is people watching. Wherever I go, I always watch those around me.

I promise you that this isn't nearly as creepy as it might sound. People watching is how I've gotten ideas for bits of my stories. I love seeing how others in the world interact with one another, to see lives different from my own. I think that that is the reason that I like the city-- because I don't really love the smells or the crowds of the city, and yet I still yearn to travel into the city from time to time. Obviously, the city has other great aspects to it, but I think seeing all the different people is the best part.

That being said, almost all the colleges that I'm looking at are in towns, not cities. But still, I do enjoy the city and all the people that come with it.

But back to people watching... it really is amazing how much you can learn if you simply listen. Not in a creepy, eavesdropping kind of way, but in a "I'm just going to sit here with my tea and my classic literature and listen" kind of way. Try it sometime, you'll be surprised at how much you learn.

Halloween

So, for Halloween I was Wednesday Addams. I dressed up for school and wore my costume for the whole day.

It was fun, and actually quite a few people got who I was, which made me really happy. I was not expecting to have people really understand my costume. I also don't have school tomorrow, but I'll be spending the day doing homework, college-prep, interviewing, and doing a chat for one of the colleges I'm really attached to.

As much as I like school (and I really do love it) I can't wait until I have days off after I've applied to college, because then I'll be able to breathe, and have fun (which for me translates to: going to bookstores, wandering around, writing, and reading. Oh, and maybe watching something fun).

In AP Literature we're going to start Othello soon, which I am so excited for. On my iPhone, I have a "Shakespeare App", which has all of his plays and his sonnets. It's probably my favorite app that I have or ever will have, because what on earth is better than having all of Shakespeare's plays literally in the palm of your hand? And no, I'm not being sarcastic. If you know me, you know that I get rather enthused about things like this. But my point about Othello (other than it's wonder and beauty) is that there's a character in in named Emilia (which is very close to my name). But she dies. Supposedly. Which is what happens in all of Shakespeare's tragedies, I know, but still. It'll be weird to have a character with basically my name die. Oh boy!

So, back on the topic of Halloween... I really was in the mood to watch a scary movie tonight. But I don't own any, and there weren't any on the TV channels that we get. So I didn't get to watch one. Which kind of makes me sad. Because I would've loved to sit down and eat popcorn and drink water and tea and watch a creepy movie (preferably from the 80s or something, because those are always fun. But any scary movie would've done well.)

Okay, I'm off to work on Calculus homework!

Oh, Weather.

So, where I live it is currently October the thirtieth. There is also currently snow on the ground.
I mean, granted, there isn't that much snow. But there is snow nonetheless. In the fall.

This does not please me. I mean, yes, I do like snow. I just like it when snow falls in late November or in December. At times when I feel like I should be making latkes, or drinking homemade cocoa, or wearing four layers. I get cold easily, but I'm not used to feeling as though I have to wear upwards of two layers in the fall.

As I've said in previous posts, fall is my favorite season. The reason being that up in the Northeast, where I live, the leaves are usually bright and colorful, and one can see all of the changes wherever he or she walks. But nope, not this fall. This fall some leaves changed, but most remained green and on the trees. Now they are all going to turn brown and fall off, which is not a pretty sight at all.

I also am not such a huge fan of the prospect of snow on Halloween, which is my favorite holiday. The snow yesterday caused  a special Halloween event my town has to be postponed until today, when I'm not able to go. And I was planning on going with my friend. I mean, my friend and I still got to hang out, but it would have been so much more fun to go to the event. Instead we watched "Halloween" (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Season 2, episode 6) and "The Addams Family" (the movie) and baked cookies and then went for a walk in the snow. Which caused me to soak my converse and almost freeze.

But it was still fun. Just a bit weird. I feel like I should be all done with college applications at this point and be sending them off, and be on vacation. (I should be almost done with them, which I'm not quite yet, but I'm working hard on them!) I'm not applying ED/EA anywhere, but I like to have things done as early as is possible. For example, yesterday I finished an essay for my Race class that is not due until Wednesday.

So, harrumph. I'm a bit perturbed by the snow, but I suppose it just gives me an excuse to drink as much warm tea as I please. Which is never a bad thing.

Mother, Wife

She is blind to what is all around her.

She cannot see, though they tell her.

"Don't." She cannot fathom the truth,

unable to accept what the fates have bestowed 

upon her. Sin, oh what sin!

To have committed the acts that she has!

What shame! horror! blasphemy! 

She did not want to believe--

he, her own son-- blood and life,

now father-- her daughters and sons--

born of sin, of lies, of soiled blood.

Oh! Jocasta! Why did you not see?

A dead husband, mourning,

only to bed your son soon after.

And now she walks, to the room,

of life, of matrimony, and she pulls 

out the rope, running it through her

fingers. Rubbing it between her 

fingertips, and she ties it.

A perfect knot, and she wraps it

around her pale, thin neck.

"Good-bye my son, my beloved."

(c) October 2011

Dreams Do Come True

Today, in English class we talked about Sylvia Plath.

We just finished Oedipus Tyrannus (which is the same as Oedipus Rex, in case you were wondering.) So, anyways, after we finished my English teacher goes:

"So, does anyone know who Sylvia Plath is?"

My hand shoots up, and she sort of smiles and then calls on me. I proceed to give a very brief description of who Sylvia was (though in all honesty I could have gone on for quite a long time.) Funny enough, we were talking about irony today as well, and, ironically today I had chosen to wear my The Bell Jar t-shirt.

In case you had no idea, I'm more than a little obsessed with Sylvia Plath. I own multiple copies of The Bell Jar, would like to own more copies, have read her letters, her poems, and have asked to receive her diaries for my birthday this year.

This was second period (so around 9:30am) and it just made me feel giddy for the rest of the day. I went up after class and told my teacher about my love for Sylvia Plath.

The thing about Sylvia is that she is a sort of role model to me, though I do not desire to stick my head into an oven. I feel a desire to learn everything about her, to visit her home, her grave, to see her writings, to hear her speak. I want to time travel back to when she was still alive and go out to tea with her. We'd sit together and discuss literature and writing, and then we would go for a long walk in nature. I'd hug her, watch over her, and make her cookies when she felt sad. I'd tell her that she doesn't need Ted, that he's no good for her. I'd try to save her as best as I could.

Why did my English teacher ask us who Sylvia was?
Because we get to annotate and then analyze one of her poems in which she makes an allusion to Oedipus Tyrannus. Just, AH! My dream! I get to analyze Sylvia Plath for a grade! English class this year is turning into a dream come true.

In which I write a letter to Sylvia Plath

Dear Sylvia,

Today you would have been 79. But you never even got to see your 31st birthday. 

I often wish I could go back in time and help you. To tell you that you were beautiful, that you didn't need to be depressed.

But maybe even that wouldn't have changed anything. Maybe even if I showed you the beauty in the world you still would have make your children a snack and then stuck your head in that oven.

I wish, so badly that I could have met you. I would have loved to talk with you about poetry, because you are one of the people who inspired me to write poems, which is something that I do quite often. In eighth grade, we had to do a Biography Project, and I almost did you. But I wasn't allowed to.

I don't do much to celebrate your birthday, other than think about your poems and life. Maybe I should do more, and maybe I will start a tradition-- though it would start next year because 3:30 pm is a bit too late to start any sort of major tradition.

I've read The Bell Jar about four or five times, which is a lot, given the number of books that I read. I dream about analyzing it and about analyzing your poetry.

Basically, Happy Birthday Sylvia, I miss you even though I never knew you.

Love,

Emily

The Edge

She walks along the bridge's edge,

above the dark water.

She wants to fall in,

to fall into the freezing currents,

to be swept away to a magical place,

and just before she's dead,

a golden dog will save her,

just like that story about

the red-haired french girl.

But this isn't Paris,

no one is around,

no one hears the splash

after she jumps. Her eyes close,

and she wishes, to be saved,

her eyelids flutter, her teeth chatter,

her dress far too heavy for the waters,

pulling her under, not into any world

she ever wanted to go to. Until she feels

two hands on her shoulders, pulling her back into

the light, the real world. 

"What are you, crazy?"

(c) October 2011

The Smell of Books

Today my English class took a field trip.

To the "book room" at my school. aka the room full of all the books all the English classes at my school read.

The minute we entered I breathed in the smell and I smiled. The smell of books is one of my favorite smells in the whole world. If Amortentia were real, I would smell: the smell of books, new and old; peppermint; and the smell of grass after a rainstorm.

Anyways, so there I was, with my English class, in the book room. I honestly felt as though I was in heaven-- surrounded by Frankenstein, the works of Shakespeare, 1984, works of Toni Morrison, and many more that I do not specifically remember at this time. A friend in my class made a comment that maybe I should live in there during the summer, to which I replied "Yes! School and Books!" which elicited a smile from my English teacher. The three of us, while walking back to the classroom proceeded to discuss college libraries.

This was one of the best moments of my senior year so far.

I just had another thought: What if we get to go to the book room every time we start a new book?! 
Oh, I really hope we do!

A letter to myself, ten years back

Hey Emily,

You're seven now, almost eight! I suppose that makes you a second grader.

Enjoy elementary school, it's supposed to be a fun time in your life! Read, giggle, and play on the playground. I know reading is your favorite thing in the world right now (it still is), but it's okay to sometimes put down your books and go run on the playground. The books will still be there when you get back.

Beg your parents to let you read Harry Potter. I know they said no last year, but ask again. The books may seem a little scary to you, but they are wonderful and you ought to give them a chance. In ten years you'll be in love with them. They are stories of magical lands, and characters that you will yearn to model yourself after, and wonderfully creative writing.

Next year your parents will get separated. I know this might be hard to hear, but they will still take care of you. They care about you so very much, they will always put you first. You'll be okay in the long run, though at first it'll be difficult for you. Just ask them to hug you. They always will.

Just for fun, ask your dad to teach you some science. He's going to teach you basic algebra this year, and it would be fun to learn some science as well. Ask your mom to speak french to you-- you know the Madeleine movies you love? You'll get to be just like her! Speaking another language! Read about real princesses, not just the Disney ones (though those are wonderful as well, just they are not realistic- girls don't actually look like that.)

Essentially, enjoy your young years, and have fun!

Love,
Your Future Self

Once Upon A Time

She runs,
she stumbles,

through a forest,
a land of fairytales,

where nothing is what it seems,
where childhood stories are real,

each and every
last one of them.

The evil, the valiant,
the pure, the corrupt,

faeries, evil queens,
handsome princes, magical animals.

She'll never wake up.

(c) October 2011

The Claddagh Ring

I find the concept of these endearing and fascinating.

They are an Irish symbol of love. The hands symbolize friendship, the heart love, and the crown loyalty.

Now, here comes something interesting:

the way in which the wearer wears the ring symbolizes his/her relationship status. 

• If the ring is worn (on the RIGHT hand) with the tip of the heart pointing away from the wearer, the wearer is not in a relationship.
• If the ring is worn (on the RIGHT hand)  so that the tip of the heart is pointing towards the wearer, then this means that the wearer is in a relationship. (Like the above picture)
• If the ring is worn (on the LEFT hand) with the tip of the heart pointing away from the wearer, the wearer is engaged.
• If the ring is worn (on the LEFT hand)  so that the tip of the heart is pointing towards the wearer, then this means that the wearer is married.

These rings were first produced during Queen Mary II's reign in the 17th century; however, their current design was formed during the late Roman period.

Bliss

She runs
her fingers through
the lake,
trailing little waves
behind her.

She removes,
all her clothes,
save her underwear,
and

She jumps,
into the water,
holding her nose
and squeezing her eyes.

She holds,
her breath in,
until

She breathes
it all out, and opens her eyes,
sees bubbles before her

She counts--
1, 2, 3,
9, 10, 11,
so many bubbles,

She returns,
finally,
to the surface,

She smiles,
only nine,
with a missing tooth.

She is,
Innocence.

(c) October 2011

Happy Birthday Tara!

Today would have been Tara Maclay's birthday, if she were not fictional. (She's from Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

Now, I know some of you may not like her, but I do. She's one of my favorite characters in Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Because of this, I made brownies. (Which turned out quite nice, if I do say so myself.)

I shall now show you photographs of said brownies:

I was going to try and think of some super creative design to put on the brownies, but in the end I decided that simplicity is what would have suited Tara best-- you know, if she wasn't fictional (or dead, which she is, but I like to deny this technicality. Because Joss would have brought her back if Amber Benson's schedule hadn't conflicted. I'm not in denial, what are you talking about?).

But anyways, I enjoy celebrating the birthdays of my favorite fictional characters/ favorite authors/ favorite dead historical people. I don't know why I do, but it's a fun hobby to have, I suppose? 

The Key

Trying,
to find a place,
to fit in,

where she belongs,
she wonders sometimes-
is she even real?

Who she is?
where did she come from?
what is she meant for?

why do others keep on
hurting?
All for her,
to keep her safe,
away from those who want to take her,

take her and place her
into a lock,
an act that would

destroy the entire world.

(c) October 2011

Thoughts currently in my mind: Swearing

If you know me, you know I don't swear.
Okay, I do say 'crap' and 'hell' occasionally, but other than that I don't swear.

Yet another thing that makes me abnormal as compared to most teenagers.

The reason I don't swear has nothing to do with religion nor is it because my family is strict and forbids it.

I don't swear because I don't want to. I feel as though I can express myself just fine without using profanity.

I'm fine if other people do it, sometimes it even seems elegant to me- which may also sound weird, but hey, it's what I think.

Goals for the Year

Because I'm such a modern teenager I wanted to put my Senior Year "to do" list up on the internet.
So, here goes. As of October 13th, 2011 the following list is what I would like to do this year:

1. Get into a good college. I have a specific one in mind that I will not be sharing on the internet unless I get in. I have other colleges I would be thrilled to go to, but there is one in particular that I am in love with.
2. Find a pink sweater like Willow Rosenberg's. (The one she wears in Dopplegangland). Yes, it is a bit weird, but it looks comfy, so I want one. 
3. Go to see at least two theater performances. 
4. Continue this blog.
5. Become fluent, or at least nearly fluent, in French.
6. Meet Amber Benson.
7. Learn how to knit.
8. Read at least 30 books. (Usually I could read far more, but this year I have so much more work to do, and thus less time to read. But when I have the time to read, I whip through books.)
9. Become vegan for (at least) one week.
10. Bake fun things.
11. Go for many, many walks in nature and take photographs.
12. Start How I Met Your Mother.
13. Read at least 15 "classic" novels.
14. Start really learning Latin and Romanian.
15. Go for a walk late at night.

I may make further lists at some point.

The Name of The Star

 I recently finished The Name of the Star by Maureen Johnson, and, let me say, it was fantastic.

If you know me at all, you know  that three of my favorite things in the world are: Reading, History, and Great Britain. TNotS combines all three! It tells the story of an American girl who goes to a London boarding school. Sounds typical, clichéd, and boring, right? Well, it's not. The day Rory (the main character's name) arrives in London, a woman is found murdered in the style of Jack The Ripper's first victim.

All of London is worried- what will happen next?

And Rory just may have the answer. One night when she was sneaking back into her dorm with her roommate, she saw and conversed with a man who her friend (Jazza) did not see, despite being right next to Rory. Throughout the story, Rory discovers what powers she really has.

When I came to the end of the story I was saddened, for I wanted to know more. I then went to Maureen Johnson's website [link here] to find out that there will be a sequel, which pleased me greatly. This is not to say that TNotS could not stand on its own, because it could. But I was so enraptured by the story and so the prospect of at least one follow up book made me smile.

So, what else did I like about this novel? The characters are relatable, which is not something that always happens in teen novels. The book deals with the supernatural, but does not involve a girl falling in love with someone of paranormal origin. Which is a relief given what the majority of teen love stories seem to be nowadays. I also liked the quotes before each new section of the book-- they were well chosen and applicable to what was going to occur.

I liked the small reference to Doctor Who, and I liked the names of some of the characters.

I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but the cover of TNotS is so pretty! (I normally have a strong dislike for covers with photographs on them, but for some reason, this one worked well for me.) I plan on reading the sequel right when it comes out, and I may well do some research on Jack The Ripper because of this book.

Passing Thoughts

Sometimes,

she wonders
about things like
time travel
and
magical genies that grant you
three wishes

she knows just what her wishes would be,
she's thought this through,
planned them out so that nothing can go wrong,
so that she will be happy,

alive once again,
calm, at peace,

she wishes
she could live in those lands-
the ones where fairytales are real,
with witches and princesses and
animals that you can talk to.

but she knows,
she knows,
none of this is real,

not really.

(c) October 2011

"What If"

Now there's a song that's only sad given the context.

"What if" is a song from the Addams Family Musical, where Pugsley sings about how sad he is that his sister, Wednesday is dating (getting married to?) a normal kid. Okay, so this sounds like any normal younger sibling's reaction to the changes in his or her family, right?

Well, the first line of the song goes something along the lines of "What if she never tortures me again?"

Now that does not sound so normal...

However, in the context of the Addams family this reaction is perfectly normal- the "princess of darkness" is dating a normal boy, and has started to act like a normal girl.

I have not seen this musical yet, but I will most likely be seeing it this winter, and I will post a review of it afterwards!

A letter to myself, six years back

Hello,

You're eleven now. I guess you've just started Middle School. Wow! I know you don't have any of your really close friends in your cluster, but you'll be fine! You're going to meet some nice people.

Your history teacher is a wonderful teacher, though right now I think you may be scared of her. Don't be! She's a brilliant teacher!

Next year you're going to discover this book called Twilight. You're going to adore it, but let me warn you: in retrospect it's really not that wonderful. The vampires in it are not real vampires. You should ask your parents about Buffy The Vampire Slayer- now that's a show with real vampires! They might not let you watch it for a few years though.

You also might want to give this show called Doctor Who a try. Your cousin is going to get you to watch it in about two years. Don't protest, just watch it! It is a fantastic show!

I wish I could tell you not to adore some of what you'll end up adoring- you'll regret it later. But I suppose that warning you now that I've lived through it would mess up timelines or something. Still, venture past silly childhood fads. Trust me, that actor from Hannah Montana really isn't all that attractive. Once you're seventeen, you won't even remember his name unless you are reminded of it.

I don't know if I can tell you this, but this coming summer you'll go to France! You're going to get to see your friend who you haven't seen for quite a few months now. Have the time of your life, and remember to try yummy food! Be adventurous!

Here's some advice: try learning Latin now, and some Spanish, and maybe Romanian and Welsh. You'll want to know all those languages later in your life, so start while you still have time and don't have hours of homework a night.

Don't be afraid to be a bit of a nerd! That is really okay! I know you aren't really afraid to be different, but make sure you stay that way.

There's this instrument called the Ukulele. Maybe you want to start playing it some point soon.

That's all for now,
Your Future Self

Why I write sad/disturbing things

I'm not a morbid person. Really, I'm not.

Yet whenever I write a short story or a poem, it ends up being disturbing.

I think that this has something to do with my interest in psychology, and why people act the way in which they do. My life so far has had no abuse, and I have never hit anyone with a stick (that's a reference to a story I wrote in 10th grade). Often, when I attempt to write a happy story or poem, it ends up sounding overly peppy and sickeningly sweet to me.

This is not to say I have never written something that is happy, I have. Though they are few and far between.

So, that's all for now. I just wanted to let you guys know that even though I may write sad and disturbing poems on here, I am not a morbid person.

Dreams

She sits,
on the windowsill.

She looks,
outside.

She wonders,
what her life will become.

She dreams,
a wedding,
a cream dress,
rose petals,
perfect hair.

Like a fairytale.

But fairytales are not reality,
she worries.

Of abuse,
debt,
no children.

And so,
she jumps.

(c) September 2011

Thoughts currently in my mind: Identities

What is it that causes us to form our identities?
Is it how we are raised? Is it genetic?

This idea is something that I often think about.

One of my guilty pleasures is taking "which character from ______ are you most like?" quizzes, especially the detailed, not so obvious ones. Whenever I get my result, I always think of ways in which I am like that character, and I feel more connected to them in a way, and I also sometimes question who I am because of the result.

These quizzes continue to fascinate me because I do start to feel more like whichever character the quiz tells me I am, and when I have told others of my quiz results they often respond with murmurs of something along the lines of "Oh, that makes sense". Which is interesting because I've gotten characters who, if you were to line them all up, would be considered quite different from one another. But I believe that when one gets their quiz result, it does not mean that they are exactly like that character, but rather they may share a few aspects of that character's personality.

Obviously almost no one is going to be exactly like a character from a movie, TV show, or novel. However, the way any good movie, show, or novel is written allows the viewer/reader to connect to at least one character if not more than one. This is what makes these movies, shows, and novels so successful. If people can place themselves within another world, they are more likely to enjoy it.

So, Identity is indeed a funny thing...
what is it to you?

Storytellers

The graves,
they tell stories of long ago

of times past,
other lives,
other worlds,

some short,
some impossibly long,

some gone before they began,

like storybooks,
whispering the stories,

fueling imagination,
horror stories,
love stories,

until they call you
to join them.

(c) September 2011

Autumn

Fall is without a doubt, my favorite season. I love everything about it- the clothing, the weather, the changing leaves, the holidays (Halloween!!), and more!

Today is the equinox. For those of you who are not aware, the autumnal equinox is the day that it officially become fall. (Thus, today is one of my favorite days of the year.) It's also almost October, which is my favorite month of my favorite season. So I am happy.

Hopefully soon, once the leaves begin to really change, I'll go for a nice walk and take lots of fall photographs, because that's something that helps me to relax and also I love nature.

As a culture, we rely far too much on technology and now we have started to ignore the pure, unadulterated beauty that is the outdoors. We sit inside our homes, on various social networking sites, caught up in narcissism and screens. We ignore the world outside our doors, the world that has been here for far longer than we have, the world that we have begun to destroy the pure world.

Sorry to get all depressive about humankind, but it's just a thought I often think, and isn't this blog all about thoughts?

Fall poem, one of possibly many to come:

Candlelight,
the world starts to yawn,
to change,
to color itself,
like never before,

like Autumn's sibling seasons forbid themselves to do:

Sister Spring says: I must be pure, only pinks, greens, and pastels...
Brother Summer says: The days grow long, and I must remain fresh, green, sweltering, to please...
Brother Winter says: Now the world is going to sleep- only white and muted browns may cover this world...

But Autumn, she is strong,
she rebels,
coloring herself a myriad of colors-
reds, oranges, browns, greens, yellows...
allowing children to jump
in her leaves,

favorite memories formed,
until,
all too soon,

she gives away to barren life.

(c) September 2011

Thoughts currently in my mind: Sylvia Plath

I feel like I should be posting this on her birthday.
Then I thought: I can post some on Sylvia now AND on her birthday, because I can chose to do whatever I please on here. Then I felt very powerful and now I want to celebrate by drinking tea and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer but I can't, because it's late and I have school work and college work to do.
But I'm listening to a song by Amber Benson, which is a compromise.

So, Sylvia:

 

Here are some photographs of her. (The one on the right is of her and her younger brother).

Because I am tired I shall only write a poem about Sylvia. I will write more about her on October 27th (what would have been her birthday).

Here goes nothing...

Sylvia,

oh Sylvia!

What a young face, 

what an old mind.

You saw,

you lived,

you were,

too much.

And so you stopped,

long before you needed to,

far before you should have, 

and with such tragedy.

A snack,

and then, 

did they say "I love you Mommy"?

Did they cling to your skirt,

give you hugs and shampoo scented

kisses,

show you real love?

Show you how life wasn't always bad?

Did they cry when you didn't return for them?

Call out "Mama!"?

Oh, Sylvia!

(c) September 2011

In another world...

another time,
another place,

this might've been different.

she might've been strong,
she might've been brave,
she might've been free.

but she's not.

she's stuck, nowhere to
go. no one to
go to. nothing to

live for. she's working,
each day, far more than 9 to 5

in the mill, with the other children,
with the man who runs them,

ruins them.

(c) September 2011

Ringer

I do not own this photograph. It is a promotional photo for Ringer.

For those of you who don't know, Ringer is Sarah Michelle Gellar's new show that premiered yesterday (and, as all the reviewers like to point out, her first television show since Buffy The Vampire Slayer ended eight years ago). So, Sarah's back! Which does enthuse me quite a bit! Of course, what I would want even more would be a new show with Amber Benson on it, but Sarah is pretty wonderful.

Prior to the premiere, I looked up reviews online, to see what others had to say. The funny thing I noticed was that the reviews were highly polarized- either the reviewer adored the show or they nearly abhorred it. I can't recall the last time I read reviews this polarized.

Now that I've seen the show, I lean more to the side of those who liked it. Yes, it was predictable to some extent; yes, this plot line or variations thereof has been done many, many times before; yes, it had its moments of being disjointed, but overall I enjoyed it. Let me add to this by saying I don't watch television much at all, so I'm picky about what shows I watch. I'm going to continue watching it at least for another week or so, to see what they do with the storyline. If I'm wildly confused then I may give up on it, but if I like it then I shall continue.

It's funny that the two shows I plan on watching next (Ringer and How I Met Your Mother) both have actresses from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in them (Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alyson Hannigan, respectively). Anything having to do with Buffy makes me a happy child (other things make me happy as well, but I'd need a whole blog post to describe them). So these shows, even if they aren't the most amazing thing in the universe will make me feel happy.

Oh! I'm reading a really good book right now: The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

That's all for now, I must go and finish my piles of homework!

Evelyn dearest:

Evelyn
only sixteen, why did you
give it all away?
what drew you in?
why did you listen?

what captivated you?

only twenty,
blood covered hands.
tangled with crime,
corruption,
murder,
lust, love

and a child.
whose child? who knows?

oh, Evelyn

(c) September 2011

Last First Day

So, in case the title didn't make it obvious to you, today was my last first day of high school.

Granted, I still look like I'm about 14, but nope, I'm a Senior.

That'll take a while before it feels natural to say...

But now about the day!

I had almost all my classes today (all of them except for French). I love them. ALL of them. Really, truly. I mean, it's in no way going to be an easy year, but I feel as though I can really handle it, and that all will be well. (Which, if you knew me, is a LOT for me to say). I already have bunches of work to do, so this blog is going to be updated only about twice a week (more if, by some miracle, I have more free time). I really do want to keep it up and running, but I simply will not be able to post every day on top of studying for SATs, applying to college, Senior Year work, Literary Magazine, Ukulele, and getting exercise.

 

Oh, yeah. This is what I wore. I love the top- it looks like something out of the Victorian Era (I'm a history fanatic) and the necklace is a British Telephone booth (technically not the same as the TARDIS, but far more like the booths used for visitors to enter the Ministry of Magic). Yes, I did just analyze my necklace. It's what I do.

So, I'm off to write questions for English class, study Mathematics, review History, and pack my bag for tomorrow!

Goodbye!

Thoughts currently in my mind: Evelyn Nesbit

No, I did not take this photo, nor do I claim to own it.

So, for AP English, one of the books I was required to read over the summer was Ragtime by E.L. Doctorow. As I was reading, I became fascinated with a character in it: Evelyn Nesbit. Though she was in a fictional work, she was one of a series of characters who were actual people. Evelyn was my favorite character in Ragtime, and I wanted to know more about her. So, I went to the library (hey, it's what I do when I'm in doubt or curious about something... or just in general) and borrowed a biography on her (link). This was a well written account of her life, and it left me wanting to read even more about her. Sadly, her autobiography (Prodigal Days) is out of print and rather pricey on Amazon. (If anyone knows where to find a copy that doesn't cost hundreds of dollars, let me know!!)

Evelyn is known as one of, if not the most photographed woman of the 20th century. And if that wasn't enough, she was also involved in what came to be known as "The Crime of the Century"- a case where her lover, Henry Thaw, shot her ex-lover, Stanford White. Oh, those crazy 20th century men... But on a more serious note, she was quite the fascinating young lady. You really should read more about her.

Oh, did I happen to mention a photograph of her inspired L.M. Montgomery to create Anne Shirley, of Anne Of Green Gables fame? Yup, that was Evelyn. (The photo that was the inspiration is to the right- she has flowers in her hair).

She traveled throughout Europe, had a son but never admitted who his father really was, and stared in a few silent films. She also was in some theater productions.

I think something I love about her, even ignoring her crazy life, is her beauty. She's quite beautiful, and not necessarily in the typical way- rather she looks as though she walked out of some old painting. Google her, it's really true.

That's all on Miss Evelyn for now.

I start Senior Year in about seventeen hours!

Summer's Last Morning

First off: THIS is a really lovely song. Go listen to it.

Okay, now the actual post.

I felt like I should make a post about this- the last morning of summer.

It feels like something that I should write poetry about- hey, maybe I will someday.

The last morning when I can get up and not go to school. I do love school, but there is a wonderful feeling when you can get up late (and for me late is maybe 8am) and be able to read, or watch children's tv shows, or go for a walk, or anything you wish.

Yesterday, I went to bed at 8:45pm and it was wonderful. I'm not one of those teenagers who likes to stay up late- in fact, I can't really stay up past 3 without crashing. (Though I did stay up almost all night at a sleepover with friends this summer). The point being, I like having power regarding when I go to sleep and when I wake up. Once school begins again (yipes, tomorrow!) I will no longer have that kind of freedom. But I do get to learn cool things, so it's a pretty good trade-off. Except that I'm going to have crazy amounts of work.

I honestly think what I'll miss most about the summer was time for free reading. Reading is, without a doubt, my favorite pastime. And once school starts up again- with College Applications and AP work and normal work- I won't have much time for free reading. Which saddens me. But I can still read before going to sleep, and there will be vacations or days off when I can take an hour or so to read. Everything will be okay.

This blog was started because I wanted a place to just write, and also as a method of lessening my stress. Because I get stressed easily, I have things that help me, including:

• this blog
• martial arts 
• drawing
• walks
• making videos

and

• writing poems and short stories

So, here's an 'off the cuff' poem for you guys:

Summer's days are gone,
adieu to you and you,
wonderful moments,
some captured by a lens, others
only in the mind,
never to be forgotten,
always there,
to pull back just when you need
a friend
a feeling of happiness,
joy,
wonder

goodbye,
see you next year.

(c) September 2011

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Season Seven

Be forewarned, this post contains spoilers!

So, a good friend came over this afternoon, and together we braved the last ever episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I'm so relieved that Season Seven is over and done with. Though it had its good moments, all in all I was not a fan of this season whatsoever.

Granted, I came into it with a bias (I'm a HUGE Tara fan, and thus after Season Six, nothing was ever really the same again.) But even without that slant, many parts of this season just bothered me. Namely, the Potentials. Many of them are so whiny, and though I was glad with what happened in the end (all of them being activated and such) I didn't like them. Especially Kennedy. Never mind that she was Willow's new girlfriend (NO ONE can top Tara, so I was set up to dislike Kennedy) but she is so annoying even ignoring my bias, and a self-confessed "brat". She's also not Willow's type.

Willow's other relationships (Oz and Tara) were quiet, caring, compassionate, and selfless individuals. They put others first, and helped Willow to mature and discover who she really was/her place in the world. Kennedy was nearly the opposite. She whined, she was too loud, and she pushed Willow to points where she (Willow) felt quite uncomfortable. Though there are some things she did right (she gave Willow someone after she lost her true love [Tara]), it just felt too wrong.

I did like the unity of the Potentials and the Scoobies in the last episode, and the fight against The First, which was quite a good Big Bad. (My favorite Big Bads are still Glory and Dark Willow though.) Unity is a good message for a show like Buffy to end on- Unity and the power of women. Which is, after all, what the show's premise is: a seemingly ordinary girl who fights demons. I liked how they made all the girls who could possibly be Slayers into Slayers. To me that says: anyone can be whatever they want to be, so  long as they wish it and try.

Basically,  I'm glad I finished up Buffy The Vampire Slayer, but I will not being watching Season Seven again.

Thoughts currently in my mind: Pathways

I took this. It's one of many pathways in my life.

I like taking photographs of pathways. This habit did not begin on purpose, it just so happens that pathways seem to be a theme amongst my photography. I suppose it's not completely strange- I do love traveling, and in order to get anywhere, one must travel along a path of some sort- whether it be dirt, concrete, or air. Pathways lead us to new aspects of our lives. Without them we'd go nowhere, literally or metaphorically.

First things first.

I figured that the utmost important thing in having a blog was to introduce oneself. Even if I'm saying hello to the unknown, even if no one actually reads this, it feels like the right thing to do.

So, hi! I'm a human being. I like things!

I've loved writing ever since I was quite small, there is something so magical about holding a pencil between your fingers, especially when the pencil is seemingly large in comparison to your small size. Now I write on computers mostly, but I still have this obsession with purchasing notebooks, even if they are never used. I love words. One of my favorite websites is Save The Words, which is a site that allows you to "adopt" words that have gone out of use. It's one of the most wonderful things on the Internet.

In case you couldn't tell from the title of this blog, I like Alice in Wonderland. I blame my dad for that. It's one of his favorite books.

Other things I like?

• Scrabble- I love words, so why wouldn't I like this game? 
• Plums- I've always loved them, but in the past week it's become more of an obsession. Sadly, I'll soon have to bid adieu to them until next summer.
• Otters- FAVORITE ANIMAL. They are just so adorable. They are also quite intelligent.
• History- Why things happened, how people interact. It's all so fascinating! 

That is not a complete list, but those are the things that first come to mind.

Oh! I'm also rather obsessed with Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Doctor Who. So, every now and then I may mention one of the two.  I don't watch much television, but there are a few shows I do quite enjoy. Next summer (or possibly in April) I'm going to watch How I Met Your Mother. 

I love school, I adore books, I like nature, I like questioning reality, and I like randomness. So, there's a preview of what to (possibly) expect on this blog!