Childhood

This afternoon I decided to relax for a bit and so I took out a box of photographs of my childhood.
I mean, I'm not old now, but these pictures tended to range from when I was a baby until I was about seven (being that I'm now eighteen, these were from over a decade of my life ago... woah.).

As I flipped through them, I reflected (as I tend to do...). While I have always known this, I was suddenly overcome with the fact of what an utterly wonderful childhood I had. I mean, are there aspects of it I would like to have gone differently? Yes, but that is simply how life goes. One always can think, in hindsight, of things he or she would have changed, if he or she had the chance.

Growing up, however reluctant I may be to do so at times, is so important, because, without it, I would not have the memories that I do. I think the most important thing that one can do is to keep memories, especially happy ones, very close. And to make more memories, ones to reflect on later in life.

That's what college can be for. I've fallen increasingly more in love with my college of choice, and even though I may long for something else at times, I know that this college will be wonderful and extremely helpful in helping me emerge as a strong young woman.

I've decided to have the best time possible in my last month of High School ever, because I am saddened to be leaving, to go on to the bigger world. Whenever I feel nervous I tell myself that this is what I've dreamed of ever since I was about eight.

And I just can't wait.

Little Things

I often feel as though I never have the time to do the extra things I love (i.e. ukulele & knitting). I need to get off the computer and do them when I don't have work.

I always say that, but I'm really going to make it my goal to get away from technology more... because that is when I am happiest.

I also need to eat even more fruit. Because I love it so.

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What Once was Sun

Effervescent- she is.
Children run in and about the
playground, perfect,
pinacle, of innocence and charm.

A mother's heartbeat as her child
lays on her breast,
ba-bum, ba-bum.
Over and over.

All that is left now is a
photograph album,
dusty from years of
neglect. Years have gone,

she cannot say what happened.
Yet she knows and remembers
that day, in the sun.

(c) April 2012

Knitting (and more)

I'm learning how to knit. Which is crazy-awesome, even though I'm mediocre at best, but I'm learning, and that's what matters.

I've also decided on a college, which feels weird. It wasn't my first choice, I almost didn't even apply there. But I've fallen in love, and while some small part of me still says "what about the others?" I know I will love this college. It may not have all the fancy traditions of some of the others, but it's beautiful and everyone there is so nice and lovely.

I also only have about 26 school days left (not weekends). I'm terrified. Really, honestly. Now that the end of the year is this close, I don't want it. I'm going to really miss some of the people at my High School.

This post is turning into something quite random, but two weekends ago (4/15) I saw The Cabin in the Woods and it was one of the most fantastic pieces of film that I have seen in a while. I can't say anything about it, but go see it! (Unless you really, really can't stand anything even sort of scary).

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Visions of the Woods

The birds flit down from the clouds,
holding petals and pieces of
worn-out parchment.

The girls dance in the meadows within,
carrying laurel and roses, bouquets
for the lost.

The trees are just beginning,
seeds showing their leaves,
from the ground.

And the rain comes--
a flood, before anyone can
escape, it takes them.

The petals float among the gray
waters, until they become
sodden and torn.

(c) April 2012

Fears

I know that I've been posting mainly "end of the year" posts of late, but that is what I am mainly thinking about.

I'm terrified, and joyous. I hope that my college decision is the right one--the one that will get me into a good graduate school, which, in turn, will allow me to have a good life. I dislike disappointing people, and I'm afraid that saying "no" to my other beloved acceptances will make them mad. I know that this is a silly thought, but I can't help it.

There is a Sylvia Plath quote that describes my worries (because there is a Sylvia Plath quote for everything): "What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle-age." I am so afraid of failure, more than anything else (frogs, spiders, heights, bees). I need to feel successful, and hopefully that is what college will bring for me. I can only wish.

I know that I can make the best of my educational life, but I'm still scared. I mean, I've never been to college before.

In other news, I got sorted on Pottermore the other day, and I'm a Ravenclaw. So it is official. I've identified with the Ravenclaw house for quite some time, and, while I fully identify as a Ravendor, I did not not want to be a Gryffindor.

Also, vacation has been lovely in many ways. I saw "Cabin in the Woods" with friends. It was so wonderful. And I am now going to go read and listen to bad music. Which is always entertaining.

Rambles: Reflections

So, I'm becoming increasingly philosophic as the end of the school year draws closer.

I just realized that in two months I will not only be done with school, but I will have graduated. Holy moly!

Then I will go off to college, and have a wonderful experience, and be happy and study all that I've always wanted to.

I'm also pretty sure I'm going to be a mess on the last day of school. I'm really, really going to miss some of my teachers.

I just have so many weird feelings right now.

Vacation is soon, which means I can relax and study.

It's April

Which is weird.

School ends so soon... but I am so busy... so it doesn't really feel that way... within a month, I'll have to decide on which college I'm going to attend. (!!!)

And to be quite frank, I'm scared to make that decision. I know that wherever I go, I'll do well, but I'm still scared.

Deciding will be a bit of a stress-reliever, I'd like to hope...

I also want (need) to blog some more. I want to post photos, and maybe recipes... because I dually love baking and food photography. I need to take more pictures, and I need to practice my ukulele more than I am (which has been almost not at all because of the amount of work I've had).

It also stopped feeling like Spring, which is annoying. I like love Spring. I'd like it back now, please.

I'm going to list things I'd like to do before school is up:

1. Write seven short stories.
2. Take 300 photos (some/many of which can be bad).
3. Read more classics!
4. Choose a fantastic college and stick with it!
5. Find an awesome prom dress (yeah, it's April and I still don't have one).
6. Walk even more!
7. Play my ukulele.
8. Learn how to knit.
9. Blog more often (sorry for the sparsity of late...)

We shall see if I accomplish all these things. Also, I'll  breathe more.