Halloween

So, for Halloween I was Wednesday Addams. I dressed up for school and wore my costume for the whole day.

It was fun, and actually quite a few people got who I was, which made me really happy. I was not expecting to have people really understand my costume. I also don't have school tomorrow, but I'll be spending the day doing homework, college-prep, interviewing, and doing a chat for one of the colleges I'm really attached to.

As much as I like school (and I really do love it) I can't wait until I have days off after I've applied to college, because then I'll be able to breathe, and have fun (which for me translates to: going to bookstores, wandering around, writing, and reading. Oh, and maybe watching something fun).

In AP Literature we're going to start Othello soon, which I am so excited for. On my iPhone, I have a "Shakespeare App", which has all of his plays and his sonnets. It's probably my favorite app that I have or ever will have, because what on earth is better than having all of Shakespeare's plays literally in the palm of your hand? And no, I'm not being sarcastic. If you know me, you know that I get rather enthused about things like this. But my point about Othello (other than it's wonder and beauty) is that there's a character in in named Emilia (which is very close to my name). But she dies. Supposedly. Which is what happens in all of Shakespeare's tragedies, I know, but still. It'll be weird to have a character with basically my name die. Oh boy!

So, back on the topic of Halloween... I really was in the mood to watch a scary movie tonight. But I don't own any, and there weren't any on the TV channels that we get. So I didn't get to watch one. Which kind of makes me sad. Because I would've loved to sit down and eat popcorn and drink water and tea and watch a creepy movie (preferably from the 80s or something, because those are always fun. But any scary movie would've done well.)

Okay, I'm off to work on Calculus homework!

Oh, Weather.

So, where I live it is currently October the thirtieth. There is also currently snow on the ground.
I mean, granted, there isn't that much snow. But there is snow nonetheless. In the fall.

This does not please me. I mean, yes, I do like snow. I just like it when snow falls in late November or in December. At times when I feel like I should be making latkes, or drinking homemade cocoa, or wearing four layers. I get cold easily, but I'm not used to feeling as though I have to wear upwards of two layers in the fall.

As I've said in previous posts, fall is my favorite season. The reason being that up in the Northeast, where I live, the leaves are usually bright and colorful, and one can see all of the changes wherever he or she walks. But nope, not this fall. This fall some leaves changed, but most remained green and on the trees. Now they are all going to turn brown and fall off, which is not a pretty sight at all.

I also am not such a huge fan of the prospect of snow on Halloween, which is my favorite holiday. The snow yesterday caused  a special Halloween event my town has to be postponed until today, when I'm not able to go. And I was planning on going with my friend. I mean, my friend and I still got to hang out, but it would have been so much more fun to go to the event. Instead we watched "Halloween" (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Season 2, episode 6) and "The Addams Family" (the movie) and baked cookies and then went for a walk in the snow. Which caused me to soak my converse and almost freeze.

But it was still fun. Just a bit weird. I feel like I should be all done with college applications at this point and be sending them off, and be on vacation. (I should be almost done with them, which I'm not quite yet, but I'm working hard on them!) I'm not applying ED/EA anywhere, but I like to have things done as early as is possible. For example, yesterday I finished an essay for my Race class that is not due until Wednesday.

So, harrumph. I'm a bit perturbed by the snow, but I suppose it just gives me an excuse to drink as much warm tea as I please. Which is never a bad thing.

Mother, Wife

She is blind to what is all around her.

She cannot see, though they tell her.

"Don't." She cannot fathom the truth,

unable to accept what the fates have bestowed 

upon her. Sin, oh what sin!

To have committed the acts that she has!

What shame! horror! blasphemy! 

She did not want to believe--

he, her own son-- blood and life,

now father-- her daughters and sons--

born of sin, of lies, of soiled blood.

Oh! Jocasta! Why did you not see?

A dead husband, mourning,

only to bed your son soon after.

And now she walks, to the room,

of life, of matrimony, and she pulls 

out the rope, running it through her

fingers. Rubbing it between her 

fingertips, and she ties it.

A perfect knot, and she wraps it

around her pale, thin neck.

"Good-bye my son, my beloved."

(c) October 2011

Dreams Do Come True

Today, in English class we talked about Sylvia Plath.

We just finished Oedipus Tyrannus (which is the same as Oedipus Rex, in case you were wondering.) So, anyways, after we finished my English teacher goes:

"So, does anyone know who Sylvia Plath is?"

My hand shoots up, and she sort of smiles and then calls on me. I proceed to give a very brief description of who Sylvia was (though in all honesty I could have gone on for quite a long time.) Funny enough, we were talking about irony today as well, and, ironically today I had chosen to wear my The Bell Jar t-shirt.

In case you had no idea, I'm more than a little obsessed with Sylvia Plath. I own multiple copies of The Bell Jar, would like to own more copies, have read her letters, her poems, and have asked to receive her diaries for my birthday this year.

This was second period (so around 9:30am) and it just made me feel giddy for the rest of the day. I went up after class and told my teacher about my love for Sylvia Plath.

The thing about Sylvia is that she is a sort of role model to me, though I do not desire to stick my head into an oven. I feel a desire to learn everything about her, to visit her home, her grave, to see her writings, to hear her speak. I want to time travel back to when she was still alive and go out to tea with her. We'd sit together and discuss literature and writing, and then we would go for a long walk in nature. I'd hug her, watch over her, and make her cookies when she felt sad. I'd tell her that she doesn't need Ted, that he's no good for her. I'd try to save her as best as I could.

Why did my English teacher ask us who Sylvia was?
Because we get to annotate and then analyze one of her poems in which she makes an allusion to Oedipus Tyrannus. Just, AH! My dream! I get to analyze Sylvia Plath for a grade! English class this year is turning into a dream come true.

In which I write a letter to Sylvia Plath

Dear Sylvia,

Today you would have been 79. But you never even got to see your 31st birthday. 

I often wish I could go back in time and help you. To tell you that you were beautiful, that you didn't need to be depressed.

But maybe even that wouldn't have changed anything. Maybe even if I showed you the beauty in the world you still would have make your children a snack and then stuck your head in that oven.

I wish, so badly that I could have met you. I would have loved to talk with you about poetry, because you are one of the people who inspired me to write poems, which is something that I do quite often. In eighth grade, we had to do a Biography Project, and I almost did you. But I wasn't allowed to.

I don't do much to celebrate your birthday, other than think about your poems and life. Maybe I should do more, and maybe I will start a tradition-- though it would start next year because 3:30 pm is a bit too late to start any sort of major tradition.

I've read The Bell Jar about four or five times, which is a lot, given the number of books that I read. I dream about analyzing it and about analyzing your poetry.

Basically, Happy Birthday Sylvia, I miss you even though I never knew you.

Love,

Emily

The Edge

She walks along the bridge's edge,

above the dark water.

She wants to fall in,

to fall into the freezing currents,

to be swept away to a magical place,

and just before she's dead,

a golden dog will save her,

just like that story about

the red-haired french girl.

But this isn't Paris,

no one is around,

no one hears the splash

after she jumps. Her eyes close,

and she wishes, to be saved,

her eyelids flutter, her teeth chatter,

her dress far too heavy for the waters,

pulling her under, not into any world

she ever wanted to go to. Until she feels

two hands on her shoulders, pulling her back into

the light, the real world. 

"What are you, crazy?"

(c) October 2011

The Smell of Books

Today my English class took a field trip.

To the "book room" at my school. aka the room full of all the books all the English classes at my school read.

The minute we entered I breathed in the smell and I smiled. The smell of books is one of my favorite smells in the whole world. If Amortentia were real, I would smell: the smell of books, new and old; peppermint; and the smell of grass after a rainstorm.

Anyways, so there I was, with my English class, in the book room. I honestly felt as though I was in heaven-- surrounded by Frankenstein, the works of Shakespeare, 1984, works of Toni Morrison, and many more that I do not specifically remember at this time. A friend in my class made a comment that maybe I should live in there during the summer, to which I replied "Yes! School and Books!" which elicited a smile from my English teacher. The three of us, while walking back to the classroom proceeded to discuss college libraries.

This was one of the best moments of my senior year so far.

I just had another thought: What if we get to go to the book room every time we start a new book?! 
Oh, I really hope we do!

A letter to myself, ten years back

Hey Emily,

You're seven now, almost eight! I suppose that makes you a second grader.

Enjoy elementary school, it's supposed to be a fun time in your life! Read, giggle, and play on the playground. I know reading is your favorite thing in the world right now (it still is), but it's okay to sometimes put down your books and go run on the playground. The books will still be there when you get back.

Beg your parents to let you read Harry Potter. I know they said no last year, but ask again. The books may seem a little scary to you, but they are wonderful and you ought to give them a chance. In ten years you'll be in love with them. They are stories of magical lands, and characters that you will yearn to model yourself after, and wonderfully creative writing.

Next year your parents will get separated. I know this might be hard to hear, but they will still take care of you. They care about you so very much, they will always put you first. You'll be okay in the long run, though at first it'll be difficult for you. Just ask them to hug you. They always will.

Just for fun, ask your dad to teach you some science. He's going to teach you basic algebra this year, and it would be fun to learn some science as well. Ask your mom to speak french to you-- you know the Madeleine movies you love? You'll get to be just like her! Speaking another language! Read about real princesses, not just the Disney ones (though those are wonderful as well, just they are not realistic- girls don't actually look like that.)

Essentially, enjoy your young years, and have fun!

Love,
Your Future Self

Once Upon A Time

She runs,
she stumbles,

through a forest,
a land of fairytales,

where nothing is what it seems,
where childhood stories are real,

each and every
last one of them.

The evil, the valiant,
the pure, the corrupt,

faeries, evil queens,
handsome princes, magical animals.

She'll never wake up.

(c) October 2011

The Claddagh Ring

I find the concept of these endearing and fascinating.

They are an Irish symbol of love. The hands symbolize friendship, the heart love, and the crown loyalty.

Now, here comes something interesting:

the way in which the wearer wears the ring symbolizes his/her relationship status. 

• If the ring is worn (on the RIGHT hand) with the tip of the heart pointing away from the wearer, the wearer is not in a relationship.
• If the ring is worn (on the RIGHT hand)  so that the tip of the heart is pointing towards the wearer, then this means that the wearer is in a relationship. (Like the above picture)
• If the ring is worn (on the LEFT hand) with the tip of the heart pointing away from the wearer, the wearer is engaged.
• If the ring is worn (on the LEFT hand)  so that the tip of the heart is pointing towards the wearer, then this means that the wearer is married.

These rings were first produced during Queen Mary II's reign in the 17th century; however, their current design was formed during the late Roman period.

Bliss

She runs
her fingers through
the lake,
trailing little waves
behind her.

She removes,
all her clothes,
save her underwear,
and

She jumps,
into the water,
holding her nose
and squeezing her eyes.

She holds,
her breath in,
until

She breathes
it all out, and opens her eyes,
sees bubbles before her

She counts--
1, 2, 3,
9, 10, 11,
so many bubbles,

She returns,
finally,
to the surface,

She smiles,
only nine,
with a missing tooth.

She is,
Innocence.

(c) October 2011

Happy Birthday Tara!

Today would have been Tara Maclay's birthday, if she were not fictional. (She's from Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

Now, I know some of you may not like her, but I do. She's one of my favorite characters in Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Because of this, I made brownies. (Which turned out quite nice, if I do say so myself.)

I shall now show you photographs of said brownies:

I was going to try and think of some super creative design to put on the brownies, but in the end I decided that simplicity is what would have suited Tara best-- you know, if she wasn't fictional (or dead, which she is, but I like to deny this technicality. Because Joss would have brought her back if Amber Benson's schedule hadn't conflicted. I'm not in denial, what are you talking about?).

But anyways, I enjoy celebrating the birthdays of my favorite fictional characters/ favorite authors/ favorite dead historical people. I don't know why I do, but it's a fun hobby to have, I suppose? 

The Key

Trying,
to find a place,
to fit in,

where she belongs,
she wonders sometimes-
is she even real?

Who she is?
where did she come from?
what is she meant for?

why do others keep on
hurting?
All for her,
to keep her safe,
away from those who want to take her,

take her and place her
into a lock,
an act that would

destroy the entire world.

(c) October 2011

Thoughts currently in my mind: Swearing

If you know me, you know I don't swear.
Okay, I do say 'crap' and 'hell' occasionally, but other than that I don't swear.

Yet another thing that makes me abnormal as compared to most teenagers.

The reason I don't swear has nothing to do with religion nor is it because my family is strict and forbids it.

I don't swear because I don't want to. I feel as though I can express myself just fine without using profanity.

I'm fine if other people do it, sometimes it even seems elegant to me- which may also sound weird, but hey, it's what I think.

Goals for the Year

Because I'm such a modern teenager I wanted to put my Senior Year "to do" list up on the internet.
So, here goes. As of October 13th, 2011 the following list is what I would like to do this year:

1. Get into a good college. I have a specific one in mind that I will not be sharing on the internet unless I get in. I have other colleges I would be thrilled to go to, but there is one in particular that I am in love with.
2. Find a pink sweater like Willow Rosenberg's. (The one she wears in Dopplegangland). Yes, it is a bit weird, but it looks comfy, so I want one. 
3. Go to see at least two theater performances. 
4. Continue this blog.
5. Become fluent, or at least nearly fluent, in French.
6. Meet Amber Benson.
7. Learn how to knit.
8. Read at least 30 books. (Usually I could read far more, but this year I have so much more work to do, and thus less time to read. But when I have the time to read, I whip through books.)
9. Become vegan for (at least) one week.
10. Bake fun things.
11. Go for many, many walks in nature and take photographs.
12. Start How I Met Your Mother.
13. Read at least 15 "classic" novels.
14. Start really learning Latin and Romanian.
15. Go for a walk late at night.

I may make further lists at some point.

The Name of The Star

 I recently finished The Name of the Star by Maureen Johnson, and, let me say, it was fantastic.

If you know me at all, you know  that three of my favorite things in the world are: Reading, History, and Great Britain. TNotS combines all three! It tells the story of an American girl who goes to a London boarding school. Sounds typical, clichéd, and boring, right? Well, it's not. The day Rory (the main character's name) arrives in London, a woman is found murdered in the style of Jack The Ripper's first victim.

All of London is worried- what will happen next?

And Rory just may have the answer. One night when she was sneaking back into her dorm with her roommate, she saw and conversed with a man who her friend (Jazza) did not see, despite being right next to Rory. Throughout the story, Rory discovers what powers she really has.

When I came to the end of the story I was saddened, for I wanted to know more. I then went to Maureen Johnson's website [link here] to find out that there will be a sequel, which pleased me greatly. This is not to say that TNotS could not stand on its own, because it could. But I was so enraptured by the story and so the prospect of at least one follow up book made me smile.

So, what else did I like about this novel? The characters are relatable, which is not something that always happens in teen novels. The book deals with the supernatural, but does not involve a girl falling in love with someone of paranormal origin. Which is a relief given what the majority of teen love stories seem to be nowadays. I also liked the quotes before each new section of the book-- they were well chosen and applicable to what was going to occur.

I liked the small reference to Doctor Who, and I liked the names of some of the characters.

I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but the cover of TNotS is so pretty! (I normally have a strong dislike for covers with photographs on them, but for some reason, this one worked well for me.) I plan on reading the sequel right when it comes out, and I may well do some research on Jack The Ripper because of this book.

Passing Thoughts

Sometimes,

she wonders
about things like
time travel
and
magical genies that grant you
three wishes

she knows just what her wishes would be,
she's thought this through,
planned them out so that nothing can go wrong,
so that she will be happy,

alive once again,
calm, at peace,

she wishes
she could live in those lands-
the ones where fairytales are real,
with witches and princesses and
animals that you can talk to.

but she knows,
she knows,
none of this is real,

not really.

(c) October 2011

"What If"

Now there's a song that's only sad given the context.

"What if" is a song from the Addams Family Musical, where Pugsley sings about how sad he is that his sister, Wednesday is dating (getting married to?) a normal kid. Okay, so this sounds like any normal younger sibling's reaction to the changes in his or her family, right?

Well, the first line of the song goes something along the lines of "What if she never tortures me again?"

Now that does not sound so normal...

However, in the context of the Addams family this reaction is perfectly normal- the "princess of darkness" is dating a normal boy, and has started to act like a normal girl.

I have not seen this musical yet, but I will most likely be seeing it this winter, and I will post a review of it afterwards!

A letter to myself, six years back

Hello,

You're eleven now. I guess you've just started Middle School. Wow! I know you don't have any of your really close friends in your cluster, but you'll be fine! You're going to meet some nice people.

Your history teacher is a wonderful teacher, though right now I think you may be scared of her. Don't be! She's a brilliant teacher!

Next year you're going to discover this book called Twilight. You're going to adore it, but let me warn you: in retrospect it's really not that wonderful. The vampires in it are not real vampires. You should ask your parents about Buffy The Vampire Slayer- now that's a show with real vampires! They might not let you watch it for a few years though.

You also might want to give this show called Doctor Who a try. Your cousin is going to get you to watch it in about two years. Don't protest, just watch it! It is a fantastic show!

I wish I could tell you not to adore some of what you'll end up adoring- you'll regret it later. But I suppose that warning you now that I've lived through it would mess up timelines or something. Still, venture past silly childhood fads. Trust me, that actor from Hannah Montana really isn't all that attractive. Once you're seventeen, you won't even remember his name unless you are reminded of it.

I don't know if I can tell you this, but this coming summer you'll go to France! You're going to get to see your friend who you haven't seen for quite a few months now. Have the time of your life, and remember to try yummy food! Be adventurous!

Here's some advice: try learning Latin now, and some Spanish, and maybe Romanian and Welsh. You'll want to know all those languages later in your life, so start while you still have time and don't have hours of homework a night.

Don't be afraid to be a bit of a nerd! That is really okay! I know you aren't really afraid to be different, but make sure you stay that way.

There's this instrument called the Ukulele. Maybe you want to start playing it some point soon.

That's all for now,
Your Future Self