Thoughts currently in my mind: Coloring Books

Even remembering back to my childhood, I do not really remember using coloring books often. I usually drew my own pictures--I don't have many collections of old coloring books.

One coloring book that I do remember having was a small, perhaps 4 by 6 inch, fairies book. In it there were many different fairies, by themselves, with friends, and with woodland creatures. Regretfully, I did not color it in all that neatly (I was about six when I had it), so though I'm pretty sure I didn't finish it, it would be a mess now.

I do think that, once my college applications are all in, it would be fun to buy a coloring book and color in it with friends, just to regain at least a piece of what childhood is supposed to be.

(On the subject of college apps, I may not be posting much at all this upcoming week, because I'm trying to have all of my applications in by early to mid December).

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving, like Columbus Day, is not a holiday that I really adore. I think it has something to do with the fact that these holidays have to do with Europeans coming in and slaughtering the native population. Something about that just doesn't settle with me.

But, pessimism aside, I like spending Thanksgiving with family or friends. This year I didn't travel, because I'm finishing up applying to college. (I don't think saying that sentence will ever feel normal.) But, instead of just sitting at home, my dad and I went over to my friend's house. We had a wonderful dinner with him and his family, and then he, his younger sister, and I watched Pangs, the Buffy Thanksgiving episode. Watching Holiday-themed episodes of Buffy near to or on the holiday seems to be slowly becoming a tradition. I'm not opposed to this. My feelings about Thanksgiving are the same as Willow's, but, as I said before, I like that Thanksgiving brings family and friends together. Plus, you do get pie (or cookies! or cookies AND pie!).

I am also a vegetarian, but it wasn't too hard for me to find food to eat. People seem to think that Thanksgiving sucks for vegetarians, but I manage. I don't think it's all that hard, and in the five years I've been fully vegetarian I've never really felt awkward at Thanksgiving. I'm perfectly fine with my salad, pasta, and other sorts of yummy veggies. But I don't like Tofurkey. I generally don't like faux-meat vegetarian things. I am perfectly happy with my veggies, legumes, and soy, thank you very much! (I also like bread. and cheese.)

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I figured that I should list what I am thankful for:

• My Family-I love them so much, they put up with my craziness. I love how intelligent they all are, and what wonderful people they are. When I don't see them, I miss them like crazy.
• Even more specifically, my parents- you two have always been there for me, and supported all my hobbies, and taught me about the world. Even though you guys get on my nerves sometimes, I love you both SO much, I can't even begin to describe it. Thank you, I can never thank you guys enough. :)
• My Friends-Always there for me, they can make me smile. There are a few special ones who I've known for what seems like forever, and who I value so greatly.
• Tea-The warmth it provides: on a cold day, when I'm feeling ill, when I'm feeling sad, or just because.
• The world that is literature-It has shown me marvelous lands and times, and has taught me of friendship, loyalty, trust, and has helped to shape who I am today.
• The ability to have an education- as much as I may say "oh, I wish I lived in Shakepeare's time" (or the 1800s, or 1600s, etc) I love that I, as a girl, can go to school and learn. I love it, and I treasure that privilege. That is one aspect of 21st century America that I appreciate.
• Warm Blankets on Cold Evenings
• Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Doctor Who, and Gilmore Girls- all shows that have helped me to learn about the world. (Okay, so this "thanks" isn't as serious as the others, but it is still there).

Tea, what glorious tea!

I love tea.

I'm rather addicted to it. If you've seen Gilmore Girls, you will understand what I'm about to say: The way I am to tea is the same way that Rory and Lorelai are to coffee. I honestly would drink it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I could. And for all moments between those meals.

I must also confess that I am a tea snob. I won't just drink tea because it's there. It has to be good quality, so no Lipton for me. (Sorry Lipton, nothing personal).  Twining's and Tazo are my favorite types, but I'm always open to new brands of tea. My favorite type of tea is Earl Grey.  This is also where my Anglophilia comes into play --tea is just one more thing that I love about the culture of Great Britain. Tea is the center of my life. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, because I also love books and I love learning, and cemeteries, and nature, and sweaters, and fuzzy socks, and cookies. But tea's pretty darn special.

I have distinct memories of being about six, and drinking peppermint tea with honey out of a big mug, and smiling because of how much I loved it: because of how wonderful it smelled and tasted. I remember drinking chamomile (I still drink it) when I felt sad, and having the subtle and soft taste of it sooth me and calm me down. I remember walking into cafes and not like the smell of coffee all that much, but loving the smell of tea.

Thoughts currently in my mind: The Power of a Name

Oh look, I took this picture. Mysterious pathways, yay! This picture has nothing to do with the blog post.

I've been thinking of late, it seems to be so rare that we actually use our names in daily conversation, whether through text, chatter in the halls, or email/IM. When I talk to my friends we don't often address one another by saying "Hi _______." We mostly go with "Hello!"

We are assigned names to help us form our identities, and without them what are we but blank slates?

I mean, it's not like I'm never addressed as "Emily", but it seems as though the concept of using names in conversation is slowly dying out. I'm a contributor to this, I don't deny it. Occasionally I will address my friends by their name, but usually I fall into the category of just saying "Hey", or poking them to get their attention.

I like the way my name sounds, and I like the way my friends' names sound. Some of them seem so exotic and beautiful, and I love the feeling of their names on my tongue, but I choose to not use their names.

Names are important in order to keep us human. Without them we could run the risk of being reduced to numbers, symbols, or even nothingness.

Names are the core of who we are. I feel like I would be a very different person if I were named something like Mary, Catherine, Elizabeth, or Anya. I would still have my basic personality, but with a different name I might feel differently about myself.

Missing Lock

I had this key,
slightly rusty and about the size of my palm.

I never found out where it led to.

I like to think it was the key to Wonderland,
or to the Wardrobe that in turn
leads to Narnia.

Being almost eighteen,
I know this to be false.

I want to recapture my childhood
without sounding angsty,
without writing faux-philosopical
poems (which I am doing).

I want, want, want.
To be, be, be.
Just Emily.

Age 8, maybe younger.
Before the computer, before the pains
of young adulthood.

I wish to be Alice, in my own
Wonderland. Without a care,
until I choose to blow the cards

away.

(c) November 2011

Moments

Not often, but every now and then I have moments when I think "Wow, life's pretty good after all".

Granted, these are somewhat rare, as I spend much of my time at least a bit stressed out. But now that I'm well on my way to being almost done with college applications, I'm happy. After December 1st, I will be able to breathe! I mean, I will still have piles upon piles of work to do, but I will only have school work, rather than having all the college work.

But back to those moments. Even though they are just moments, sometimes extremely fleeting, they are there. They do exist, and I feel like a very important thing in my life is to remember that in times of despair. For example, this upcoming week I have many things that I need to get done, and I just want to scream into a pillow right now. I need an actual time-turner to get everything done that I have to do. I have a crazy amount of things to do, and I'm going to have to do all of them because of obligations. I may want to sit in my bed and read Frankenstein and drink tea, but I can't.

I have to write an essay for this contest type thing, I have to go to a student advisory committee meeting, I have to go to another meeting for my school's Literary Magazine, I have to do college applications, I have to exercise, I have to do homework, I have to study. I have to, have to, have to. So I'll breathe and remind myself that everything will be alright. When I'm up at 11:30pm, weary and worn out I'll stand up, walk around my room, and meditate. Because I'll get through all of this. I have to, and I will.

I'll do it for the sake of those moments when everything seems wonderful.

A Lack

Like many teenagers, I spend quite a bit of time on the internet.

However, I really don't like the internet. I mean, yes, it is lovely to have sometimes--but in my opinion, it is destroying our culture. For example, right now my father is in the other room, on his iPad while I sit in my bedroom, listening to Florence + The Machine and typing on my blog. Only a wall separates us, yet we are each in our separate worlds. We could be playing cards or Boggle, but instead we sit, staring at pixelated screens. We could be discussing science, or Shakespeare, but no. Instead we sit.

I do like the easiness of the internet for looking up fun facts, communicating with some of my best friends who live in Texas and California, and for blogging. I do not like the internet for all that it has taken from us as a culture. We seem to believe that Facebook, twitter, and IM/googletalk are legitimate modes of communication. On my Facebook I often see my friends having full conversations on one another's walls. There are very few things that make me keep my Facebook up: it is the main mode of communication for some of my good friends, and it can (very occasionally) be a fun site.

The internet makes us anti-social. Now, I am in no way saying that people should go out and party all the time, but people should get off their computers and go out for coffee, tea, movies, cupcakes, or what have you with their friends. I think an interesting social experiment would be to have everyone go without their computers/phones/other electronics for a day. I wonder what would happen...?

Sorry for the mini-rant, but society today often annoys me. I see ten year olds with iPhones. When I was ten I was obsessed with Hilary Duff, Aly & AJ, The Babysitters Club, and eating chocolate chip cookies while drinking peppermint tea. I didn't even learn how to use the computer until I was in third grade, and I only learned it then (and not later) because my best friend was moving back to Japan, and we wanted to be "email buddies".

I just find it horrible how our society is changing to become more technologically reliant, rather than focusing on the beauty and wonder of the real world.

Reasons to Be Happy

So, when I'm feeling down, or sick, or just because, I've decided to make lists of reasons to be happy. This post will be the first  one, because I'm feeling sick and a bit stressed out.

1. Warm tea- it can cure anything. (In my opinion, Earl Grey works particularly well).
2. The smell of new books- there are few things in the world better than books of any sort. 
3. My grades- while not always perfect, they are pretty good and I feel like I can say "I am smart." But I'm not bragging, I don't like doing that.
4. Pretty dresses- I like vintage/feminine things. I like some dresses that I've purchased recently. They make me happy.
5. Florence + The Machine's new album- if perfection was possible, this would be it. Ah, I love it, especially the songs "Only if For a Night", "Shake it Out", "What the Water Gave Me", "Lover to Lover", and "No Light, No Light".
6. Warm baths/showers on cold evenings- that steam is magical.
7. Candles- the beauty of the flickering flame.
8. Baking/cooking yummy foods.

Falling

"It's all lies" they whisper around her
"you made it up, it's not real"

The land she loved, the friends she made,
all fake? all false?
She wonders how this could be--

the cat, the rabbit, the mouse, the crazy man--
she loved them all, though where she went
was scary, sometimes.

She couldn't believe it, yet she did;
until it was no longer safe for her,
until she was near death.

Then she crumpled the deck,
she played the checkmate move,
and she fell out.

Into the real world,
and, worst of all,
she grew up. Now she can't
go back.

But she knows that it was real,
she knows and she believes.

(c) November 2011

Hot Chocolate

Well, it's November fifth! (Remember, remember, the fifth of November...)

Anyways, today I got my first hot chocolate of the season! It was from Starbucks, and it's yummy and wonderful. I just love the taste of warm chocolate, but I don't actually love hot chocolate all that much. I rarely get it, my main drink for winter tends to be warm tea (preferably Earl Grey, but I can get by with other flavors if need be). Yet I do tend to buy hot chocolate once or twice throughout the winter (and sometimes more, there isn't any sort of specific number I hold myself to).

I also feel this desperate need, as the days are growing colder, to go to nature preserves and cemeteries, and to walk around them and watch everything dying. Now, I'm aware that that sounds horribly morbid, but it's true. I love watching all of nature go to sleep for the winter, to feel to cold winds/air on my face, and to see my breath in the air. Of course, another benefit of winter is wearing sweaters and fuzzy pull-overs to keep oneself warm. I love bundling up and going for winter walks. Today I just bought a few new pairs of gloves and some new tights, all of which are beneficial with keeping myself warm and not getting hypothermia/frost bite (which are very bad things to get).

We also started Othello in English class. It is wonderful and beautiful so far and I love it. Oh, reading Shakespeare just makes me so happy. Which reminds me, for our yearbook, we have a section that says what we'll be doing in 2022. For mine I put "In 2022, Emily will be drinking tea and reading Shakespeare in Paris". I mean, there are many other things I'd like to be doing in 2022, but that is the simplest thing to say for a yearbook. My "biography" has a quote from Harry Potter ("When in doubt, go to the library") and says "DFTBA" which stands for "Don't Forget to Be Awesome", in case you were unaware.

Thoughts currently in my mind: People Watching

Another hobby that I love is people watching. Wherever I go, I always watch those around me.

I promise you that this isn't nearly as creepy as it might sound. People watching is how I've gotten ideas for bits of my stories. I love seeing how others in the world interact with one another, to see lives different from my own. I think that that is the reason that I like the city-- because I don't really love the smells or the crowds of the city, and yet I still yearn to travel into the city from time to time. Obviously, the city has other great aspects to it, but I think seeing all the different people is the best part.

That being said, almost all the colleges that I'm looking at are in towns, not cities. But still, I do enjoy the city and all the people that come with it.

But back to people watching... it really is amazing how much you can learn if you simply listen. Not in a creepy, eavesdropping kind of way, but in a "I'm just going to sit here with my tea and my classic literature and listen" kind of way. Try it sometime, you'll be surprised at how much you learn.